Get out of the middle lane before I give you cancer

The motorway is such a cool place. It consists of loads of cars travelling at high speeds very close to each other, much like a race track. However nobody drives in the middle of a racetrack all the time, because racing drivers aren't total cunts (Well, most of the time).

The motorway is home to the middle lane driver who will sit there driving his piece of shit at 70mph whilst everyone else drives past him screaming abuse which he can't hear because he has Radio 4 on so loud it would make a foghorn shit itself. Once again, the elderly prove that they are totally incompetent at something and should just all stay inside and die without trying to take anyone else with them.

Although having said that, I recently came across the absolute epitome of 'wanker' on the M5. My girlfriend was driving and I was sat in the passenger seat with my camera switched on when we approached a really crap heap of total fucking bollocks doing 65 in the middle lane with all the windows steamed up. I took a photo of his plate as we passed him in the fast lane since he wouldn't pull over and as we pulled up in line with him I looked in to see a young chav with his seat miles back looking about as gangster as a pack of Hubba Bubba. He was driving a Kia for fuck's sake. The only people who drive Kias are so inbred they all live in Minehead.

The cunt was sat there wearing a bandana and driving like a total fucking prick. I wanted to take his steering wheel and ram it straight up his arse, since he obviously never uses it to steer anywhere but the middle fucking lane. I've decided to keep the photo of his number plate so if you ever see him you can ram the twat off the road and rip his spine out or something. I'll put the photo up later. For now, remember that if you ever see a middle lane hog it's common practice and actually encouraged by the police to fly past them at 80mph and cut them up so harshly you can't see their number plate anymore and clip the front bumper if you can. That last bit is aimed at drivers of trucks. And battle tanks.