The elderly make me smile

I have to admit that the elderly make me smile. They make me smile when i walk past them and they stare at me in a funny way because they’re about to die and i’m not. They make me smile when they drive incredibly slowly because their ankles are far too flimsy to push the throttle down enough to get out of first gear. It all makes me smile, and by smile i mean ‘want to throttle the living daylights out of them’. All 4 days of it.

The thing is, we were all young once, so surely they must know they’re pissing off everybody else? They must know that driving badly irritates people and yet they still do it, possibly for ‘shits and giggles’. Recently i witnessed an elderly lady driving her car into a fence and it was the most unspectacular thing i have ever seen. She was doing a so-so job of turning her car around at a junction when she stopped, got the revs up and dumped the clutch causing her car to lurch into a fence and rape it all down the sides. She fucked a fence with her car. That’s something most people, let alone the elderly cannot claim to have ever done. It sounds like the kind of thing drunken students would try, along with pushing over cows and cartwheeling across a zebra crossing for a fiver.

Yet i was unimpressed. Had she followed this fence-fuck with a dropkick through her own windscreen then i may have given her an ounce of credit, but as it was i simply followed her home and sealed her inside her house with a giant fence. It seemed fitting.