I’m currently facing a huge dilemma. My local chip shop seems to hate me, but i love them with all my heart. And by them i mean the potato flakes they sell, heck i even love the chicken guts in pastry bowls but they still hate me. I swear whenever i walk in there i get a huge burn mark on my forehead that says ‘HELLO CUNTS’, like a slightly more offensive Harry Potter, but one that eats lots of chips and hasn’t got a load of fucking cash, because they give me evil looks every time I walk in! If I don’t have this mysterious scar then i can only conclude that they are bastards who hate me because i’m fucking awesome and they are clearly not. They may make delicious chips but they are not awesome.
No, awesome is something only a select few possess; David Hasslehoff and the bloke who did the voiceover at the start of the ancient kids TV show ‘Tugs’, which actually sounds like some kind of horrible porn title where big grunting men masturbate themselves into epilepsy using powerful but small boats. Come to think of it, the opening titles did contain lots of lounge jazz.....
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