Have you ever been in the company of somebody who made you want to throw gravel into your own eyes? I have, and i’m not going to mention any names because she might hunt me down and talk about herself until i had a stroke, but she never ever shuts up about anything to do with her. As long as it involves her, she’ll talk about it until the sun sets and she has to wear one of those weird night vision goggle sets to see herself in the mirror. Recently she got bought gifts and wouldn’t shut up about them because they were so ‘amazingly, like, cute’.
I believe the gifts should have been remote controlled explosives. I know what i’d ask for at Christmas time, and it wouldn’t be a shiny red fucking bike. But she goes on and on and on and i can only imagine that one day everybody she talks to will go into a coma and she’ll talk herself to cancer. Which we could all celebrate with jelly, ice cream and class A drugs, because that’s what the ‘youth of today’ get up to, right?
Well, no. Because at the moment our dealers won’t come anywhere near the chatter whore. She’s like a fucking Pacman on speed, the mouth just flapping open and noise coming out. She may as well be exhaling static and nobody would care any less, infact it would probably be at least three times as interesting as the shit that currently piles out of that hole in her face.
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